The Pie Essay

PIES ARE AWESOME because they are like... so much cooler than you, but of course, I am cooler than you or pie, every pie except Banana Cream pie, but all pies are way more awesome than anyone but cheese cake because they are the best... cause it sorta is a pie but it's not really a pie so it would be half pie, half not pie, and it's totally humiliating when you smash it in the face of your little brother or sister but not as embarrasing when you "accidentally" go to the cliff of the highest mountain and fall off into an ocean filled with pies - yum... who wouldn't enjoy that?- that have chocolate filling all the way until the end of the deep, vast ocean full of sugar with a clown jumping up and down on you, but it is over as soon as the clown drowns, oh wait, you will too because we all know that NO human can breathe or live in the ocean except for ME, and that is because I have super-duper powers... Ha in your face (*points at your face) because another clown will eventually fall into the ocean and throw a new baked banana cream pie with more chocolate filling in it at your face, and I will get all the pies in the world, and you won't because you are lactose intolerant and you can't eat pies anyways, so nobody would bother to waste a pie on you, and you'll live a boring life without delicious pies because you're so pathetic you would rather read about pies and look at pies which is the reason you are even on this site, rather than to just EAT a pie yourself because you are not to deserve any pies even though you pay someone $100,000 for just one pie because everyone knows that you can't eat pies, and they don't want to give pies away to someone as useless as you since you are too desperate for pies and it's really fun to see you getting angry and mad at everyone when someone "pretend" to offer you pies, so soon the whole entire universe starts to offer you pies such as banana cream pies, pumpkin pies, blueberry pies, raspberry pies, apple pies, peach pies, mango pies, strawberry pies, chocolate pies, cheese pies(cakes), cream pies, cranberry pies, pineapple pies, cherry pies, huckleberry pies, blackberry pies, almond pies, vanilla pies, pecan pies, walnut pies, white chocolate pies, lemon menrigue pies, straberry vanilla pies, mincemeat pies, organic banana cream pies, organic pumpkin pies, organic blueberry pies, organic raspberry pies, organic apple pies, organic peach pies, organic mango pies, organic strawberry pies, organic chocolate pies, organic cheese pies(cakes), organic cream pies, organic cranberry pies, organic pineapple pies, organic cherry pies, organic huckleberry pies, organic blackberry pies, organic almond pies, organic vanilla pies, organic pecan pies, organic walnut pies, organic white chocolate pies, organic lemon menrigue pies, organic straberry vanilla pies, organic mincemeat pies, etc. and you got very upset because everyone else can have lots and lots of pies except you and that is your destiny since you don't believe fully in pies, and so the pies just absolutely loathe you, especially banana cream pie which you shouldn't even look at because it's just so Awesome that the pie will jump up and slam you in the face, then everyone will point and laugh at you since you are a nerd that spends your whole entire life playing world of war craft instead of eating pies, so everyone think you are a big LOSER because you are one; but in reality, everyone was just testing your abilities to handle peer pressure, which you could never handle because you finally got so angry and furious that you built a weird-looking rocket and launched yourself all the way to Pluto, where there are lots of mathane gas and you couldn't breath, but you didn't have to breath anyways because the second you got off your rocket, you froze into a giant ice cube, and your rocket became ice too, and you can't stop regretting making the decision to go all the way to Pluto; but back at Earth, when everyone is eating pies, they are all very happy that you are gone because you are the only person that doesn't like pies, and they think you should be at somewhere else that's far, far away instead of here, but the only bad news is that your 54,321 cousins(wow, so many cousins...!) - who used to like pies now hates pies because you flew away - are still on Earth, and they all don't like pies, so they started World War III...

This AWESOME essay about PIES will be CONTINUED...


My friends and I were writing this just for fun, and it turned out to be a pretty good essay. Some help me list names of pies, and the AWESOME Kathleen wrote in a major part of the AWESOME essay - the part about you being a loser!!!Of course, please don't take it too personally, it's all just a joke, except for the pie parts. Anyways, don't you think that this essay deserve to get an A+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++???